December 2016

If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably leads nowhere.

“If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read ‘President Can’t Swim’.” ~Lyndon B. Johnson

Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” ~Mark Twain

I am the Imp of the Perverse – Knowing this won’t help you, either.

My drinking team has a bowling problem.

“There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. … Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.” ~Douglas Adams

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.

A little inaccuracy saves a lot of explanation.

“There are no good girls gone wrong – just bad girls found out.” ~Mae West

“What am I supposed to do with all this gold?” ~MIDAS, REX

Who is Pete and why is it for his sake?

Old enough to know better, young enough to try anyway.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Never believe anything until it’s been officially denied.

The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.

“For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much – the wheel, New York, wars and so on – whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man – for precisely the same reasons” ~Douglas Adams

If the opposite of pro is con, then what must be the opposite of progress?

“One must maintain a little bit of summer, even in the middle of winter.” ~Henry David Thoreau

If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a computer?

Remember: If the world didn’t suck, we’d fall off.

I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

“His heart wasn’t the only thing that was 2 sizes too small.” -Mrs. Grinch

“I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.” ~Doctor Who

A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will never let her down. He will comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions. He will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive and invincible …No, wait. Sorry. I’m thinking of wine. It’s wine that does all that. Never mind. 🍷

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

I like to stop the microwave with one second to go; it makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.

There’s a fine line between numerator and denominator.

Life is all about ass. You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it.

<– November 2016

January 2017 –>