February 2017

Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.

Bad decisions make good stories.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

“Yesterday I was a dog. Today I’m a dog. Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.” ~ Snoopy

“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.” ~Mark Twain

“The universe never did make sense; I suspect that it was built on government contract.” ~Robert Heinlein

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.

Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.

Space isn’t remote at all. It’s only an hour’s drive away – if your car could go straight up.

If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

I call my printer “Bob Marley” because it keeps jammin’.

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” ~Groucho Marx

A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.

You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.

Life is like a Lamborghini; it goes too fast and costs too much.

“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” ~Albert Einstein

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.

I used to think I loved money. Now I realize it’s just a dependency.

I started out with nothing… I still have most of it.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

I’m not myself today. Maybe I’m you.

I’m sorry, that’s not vague enough for me. Could you be a little less specific?

We are all time travelers moving at the speed of 60 minutes per hour.

Actutally, the alphabet isn’t really in that order at all. We’ve been duped.

<– January 2017

March 2017 –>