May 2017

I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, – ‘Keep off the Grass.’

I think my brain has a mind of its own.

“Mos Eisley. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.”

“Don’t let making a living prevent you from making a life.” ~John Wooden

While having never invented a sin, I’m trying to perfect several.

“I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.” ~Oscar Wilde

“People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.” ~Søren Kierkegaard

I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I’m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.

“So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.” ~George Carlin

You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

“Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!” ~W. C. Fields

“When any government, or any church for that matter, undertakes to say to its subjects, “This you may not read, this you must not see, this you are forbidden to know,” the end result is tyranny and oppression, no matter how holy the motives.” ~Robert Heinlein

“Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.” ~Sir Winston Churchill

“Progress doesn’t come from early risers – progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things.” ~Robert Heinlein

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.

Don’t look back, they might be gaining on you.

Oh no, not another life experience…

An optimist believes this is the best of all worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.” ~Henry Ford

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.” ~Groucho Marx

“For every man there exists a bait which he cannot resist swallowing.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

“In politics, sincerity is everything. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made!” Groucho Marx

There are two rules for success:
1.) Don’t tell all you know.

If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

“When I’m good I’m very, very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.” ~Mae West

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory mentioned, which states that this has already happened.

“If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right.” ~Mae West

I have a screwdriver in my hand. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill.

Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.

<– April 2017

June 2017 –>