I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day. I knew it would come back to haunt me.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.
Do not attribute to malice what can as easily be attributed to stupidity.
“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.” ~Albert Einstein
Hardware: the part of the computer that can be kicked. If you can only curse at it, it’s software.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
“Hell is empty, and all the Devils are here.” ~ William Shakespeare, The Tempest
“Any man who wants to be president is either an egomaniac or crazy.” ~Dwight Eisenhower
If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention.
Never, ever throw a fireball in a closed room.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
If you’re too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.
“Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” ~ Lewis Carroll
Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.” ~Groucho Marx
If you can’t be a good example, be a warning.
If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it’s still a foolish thing.
If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance.
I tried being reasonable once — I didn’t like it.
I’m not mentally ill, I just have a problem with reality.
Dear Turkeys, don’t worry… they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, women.
Computers are like the Old Testament God — lots of rules and no mercy.
During the holiday season, don’t forget to eat your vegetables. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.
Insert disk 5 of 4 to continue.
“Why is Congress saying one thing and doing nothing?” “Tradition, mostly.”
No one is listening until I make a mistake.
“If you don’t like yourself, you need to make some changes!”