Smile. It confuses people.
If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.
The lunatic fringe begins here.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling?!”
“Logic informed me that under the circumstances, the only logical action would have to be one of desperation. Logical decision, logically arrived at.” — Spock
“Ah-huh, I see… So you reasoned that it was time for an emotional outburst.” — Kirk
“Well I… Wouldn’t exactly put it in those terms captain, but those are essentially the facts.” — Spock
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
Home is where you hang your @
I had a fortune cookie that said, “Outlook not so good.” I said, “Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway.”
Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.
I’ve got a life but it won’t run on my operating system.
Stand back! I have a brain and I’m not afraid to use it.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” ~Dorothy Parker
Quando omni flunkus moritati – when all else fails, play dead.
Black holes really suck…
I walked into the bedroom and tripped on a bra. It was a booby trap.
Scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
You can’t teach an old mouse new clicks.
I have an oven with a “stop time” button. It’s probably meant to be “stop timer,” but I don’t touch it, just in case.
It’s been 243 days since my last attempt to take over the world. I’ve been distracted by my current mission: to leave everyone uninformed and clueless.
“A truly great library has something to offend everyone.” -Jo Goodwin
“A politician divides mankind into two classes: Tools and enemies.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Migratory life form with a tropism for bookstores.
I no longer question authority, I annoy authority. More effect, less effort.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.” ~W.C. Fields